I sometimes get asked what animal I would want to come back as in a second life. My answer is always a Mole Rat, because they are freaking awesome and total bad-asses!! Plus, they’re insanely cute, in an ‘I’ve stayed in the bath tub too long and am now all wrinkly and stuff’ kind of way. My second choice would be a fish. Not because I like swimming, I can’t even see underwater, but because I could hang out with Ariel ALL day long and we would be best friends and I’d help her hunt for cutlery and fight massive squid ladies and we’d sing all the time and dance and rescue princes.
Actually, screw being a smelly fish. I just want to be the Little Mermaid herself. You know how I’m going to start this transition? By looking the part! I’ll steal her looks, then her voice, and take my rightful place at Prince Eric’s side (wait, this all sounds familiar – did I just accidentally become Ursula?)
So, getting myself a tail is a little bit unrealistic. Plus, I can’t even walk down the street on two feet without tripping over a paving slab, hopping around with a fin? ..my face would be one giant bruise. Luckily, I have found the single, most amazing alternative, thanks to Geek La Chic (Yes they are British, and no you can’t have them America).
They have created a no tail, Little Mermaid inspired Bikini, and it is absolutely gorgeous. The suit consists of 1940/50s style high waisted Bikini bottoms, with a Spandex bandeau bikini top. The bottoms are my favourite part, they look like they’ve come right off a fish – green glossy wet looking scales to cover your bum. Obviously it would be incredibly gross if it were literally fish scales, so the design is actually printed onto a nylon spandex concoction. The top is a purple spandex bandeau and it looks just like Ariel’s shell bra, minus the guilty feeling you would get when realising you stole a sea creature’s home to cover your boobs. It really is perfect. You can even buy a lovely long red wig off them to complete the look.